This is the time of year when we
tend to look back on the previous year at what we did or did not accomplish,
reevaluate and make plans for trying again the following year. Growing up, I often heard, “Time flies when
you’re having fun.” Well that’s not
exactly how I would describe this past year, though it seems to have flown
by. It was a year ago January 13th
that I woke up from surgery #2 in the ICU unable to move anything on my left
side. Two days before, I had walked a mile with Sophie and rode my bike 5 miles. Now it takes several minutes sometimes to get
from the front door of the house to the car which sits right in front of the
house. However, I can get there. So many other people did not see the
beautiful sky that I did today, nor did they have the opportunity to be
encouraged by God’s nor did they hear the beautiful music this morning at
church like I did.
Verses like:
“Trust in the Lord with all
thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge
him, and he shall direct thy paths.” – Proverbs 3:5, 6
Songs like “Though
it all”
through it all,
I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,
I’ve learned to trust in God.
As I look back on 2017 I have
been reminded of something my Dad has talked about in reference to his 1982
climb of Mt. Kenya (Point Lenana – 16,000+ feet). He says one of the most difficult parts of
the climb was the scree”. Here is a definition:
“A mass of
small loose stones that form or cover a slope on a mountain.”
My dad says
you take 2 steps forward and slide 1 step back. That’s a lot of how I would
describe this past year. Right before my
surgery in January, I had almost recovered the use of my left hand and was
beginning to play the piano a little, then I woke up in ICU from surgery unable
to move my foot or hand in any direction.
A few months later in June, I had surgery #3, at which time I was told,
I would likely loose ALL mobility on my left.
However, friends, family, my wonderful church family of Southside
Baptist Church (in Sebring, FL) and complete strangers jumped in and started
praying in earnest and God performed a miracle again. I’m still walking and have some use of my
left arm. Now when I say some, I do mean
SOME, but SOME beats NOTHING. I am
thankful for lessons God has allowed me to see through these experiences. Have I been discouraged? SURE!! Plenty of
times. But I can see God’s hand through all of them, even if only to remind me
He’s got everything under control and that I need to be more understanding of
others. You never know what they have been
or are currently facing. I sit here New
Year’s Eve with fireworks going off around the neighborhood. For some reason
after my radiation, my hearing became quite sensitive. Doctors said, I would likely lose much of my
hearing, instead it went in the opposite direction. The doctors can’t explain it. Between that and effects of some medication,
I am sometimes a bit sensitive to loud noises.
So, with fireworks going off, I am a bit jumpy tonight. I laughed that I was worse than the dogs ever
were. Then, my heart went to those brave
men and women in the military who have fought for my freedom on the front lines
of war and who have struggled with the same loud noises. Now I don’t struggle for the same reason as I
was never in the military, but I can sympathize with the discomfort of the
sounds.
Instead of
losing my hearing. I have a lost much of
my voice (my “teacher voice” and my singing voice).
Now don’t
misunderstand me. I’m human. I still have to grab a tissue and just let
the tears fall, sometimes rather heavily.
These tears do not come from fear of
what comes after this life ends. I'm secure in that. I know where I'll be then.
“Absent from the body. . . present with the Lord.” However, there are a lot of
other unknowns and frustrations between now and then.
I can look back at this year and see when God used my experiences to
show me something important about my relationship with Him and with
others. I still feel as though I’m on
that scree. These past couple of weeks I have noticed a change in my
energy. Then starting back on the double
chemo Christmas Day, that fatigue was intensified. That all sat me back some more. So really for about the last two weeks, I’ve been
back on that scree again. Then last
night (Saturday) I noticed a new movement out of my foot.
(Continued
New Year’s Day)
As I was
falling asleep last night, saying goodbye to 2017 and hello to 2018 (not at
midnight, my weary eyes had closed and I was sleeping long before that). I was thinking about what did I do last year
that I would rather not repeat in the new year?
First of all, I would rather not put the wrong Christmas card in the
wrong envelope. You know who you are. I’m Sorry.
Now don’t tell me you’ve never done that before. I would also prefer not to look quite so
foolish or at least not worry about looking foolish when getting in the car and
my left leg, which sometimes has a mind of its own, sticks out like a flagpole
when I try to get in the car.
Sunday evening,
I also received an encouraging email from a friend in Kenya who reminded me of
another verse (see below) to get me through those stepping backward days. This is my motto for 2018. So welcome 2018. You are beautiful this morning. What do you have in store for me this
year? Better yet, what does God have in
store for me this new year?
PRAISES:
Safety, and
strength for each new day.
Lessons God continues
to bring my way about Himself, me, others around me and life in general.
Another new year.
PRAYER REQUESTS: (Many of these remain the same, but
are still relevant/needed.)
NEW – Recently
I have been extra tired. After a
discussion with my doctor’s office, they informed me this will happen when a
person is on chemotherapy for an extended period of time. So please pray for
extra strength on a daily basis.
Continued
strength to manage the physical strain of some of the treatment and exercises
to improve mobility.
Courage to
face the unknown and opportunities to show the grace of God through difficult
times.
Safety.
Family who
are hanging in there with me through this battle.
Wisdom to
know my limitations and observe them.
Next MRI and
doctor visit Feb 8.
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