#47 BE STILL – WRITTEN (THURSDAY)

Medical Update:

I have another MRI on Nov 27th followed by a doctor visit on the 30th. This will help them confirm if what they saw on the last scan is effects of treatment. They are doing two tests. One is a normal MRI. The other is called a perfusion scan. It is essentially an MRI just with a difference in the contrast portion. This will make for a long day. But that’s OK. There are always things to entertain yourself with, if you just look around and don’t stress over it.

I am feeling better than I have in a while. Still tired but the headaches and dizziness are improving as we have worked with adjusting medication. There are still more adjustments coming as they have to be slow, but we’re getting there.

The lady with the company for Optune is scheduled to come next week. I want to set out some stickers for her to give me when I impress her with my grade. As I said, I intend to be her star pupil this time. Maybe I’ll just reward myself with the satisfaction that I did better than before, I hope. 😊

But stickers are nice, if earned.

A few thoughts from the week:

A verse and song have been in my head a lot this week, especially today, that God has used to remind me that He is God and can do anything He chooses.

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth - Psalm 46:10

"Be Still And Know"

Be still and know that He is God

Be still and know that He is holy

Be still Oh restless heart of mine

Bow before the Prince of Peace

Let the noise and clamor cease

Be still and know that He is God

Be still and know that He is faithful

Consider all that He has done

Stand in awe and be amazed

And know that He will never change

Be still

Be still and know that He is God

Be still and know that He is God

Be still and know that He is God

Be still

Be speechless

Be still and know that He is God

Be still and know that He is our Father

Come and rest your head upon His breast

Listen to the rhythm of

His unfailing heart of love

Beating for his little ones

Calling each of us to come

Be still

Be still

PRAISES:

Encouraging MRI and doctor visit.

Improvements in how I’ve been feeling

“Because I can moment”:

This past week I wanted to talk to some wonderful people at the Therapy Center of Sebring, who continue to help me when I need advice or have questions. I can’t say enough about this place or the people who work there. THEY ARE WONDERFUL!! Well, it’s been a long time since I had gone in there with just a cane. But this week I did that and left the walker in the car.

My two brothers my parents and I will be together this year for Thanksgiving. This will be the first time in a long time given the fact we have all been separated by oceans during the holidays for many years. I am looking forward to spending time together.

I have another praise to share with you that JUST happened.

This morning I had made several phone calls trying to get medicine here. On Monday I was supposed to start my second chemo. Well, this is the one provided by the pharmaceutical company free of charge to me. For some reason there were issues getting it shipped out. This morning I made the decision that since God knew all about it, there was no reason for me to stress or worry over it. The verse and song above kept running through my head. Well, while I was working on this entry I took a break for dinner. While I was away from the computer, I got an email from the shipping company (FedEx). They are shipping it overnight and it will be here tomorrow.

PRAYER REQUESTS:

Medication adjustments, in hopes it will eliminate the headaches and dizziness.

Wisdom for future decisions.

Encouragement and strength for family during this whole process while still helping me with my medical care and therapy.

The electronic stimulation device for my leg mentioned in a previous blog – still waiting for some details to sort out, but we’re getting closer.

Courage to face the unknown and opportunities to show the grace of God through difficult times.

#46 MEDICAL UPDATE FROM OCTOBER 26

Quick medical update:

For the past couple of weeks, I haven’t been feeling as well as before (extremely tired, headaches and just an overall feeling that I had something like the flu).  As I spoke to different doctors and other medical personnel, it has been suspected that it may be a medication issue. 

October 26th, 2017 trip to moffitt for mri and doctor visit:

The doctor came in after I had the scan and said all in all it's a pretty good scan. There are some things that could be new growth, but the doctor and the radiologist both think it is more likely to be marks from the radiation I had. To be sure, they want to keep an eye on it. I'll have another scan in a month. Seems the trouble I've had the last couple of weeks is related to some medication changes. Those changes are good and needed, but he said my body will have to dictate how those changes can happen.

update on optune:

Optune (the device I wear on my head) is going pretty well.  I still have some issues with it, but we’re working those out.  I get a grade when the company representative comes out to check on me and the device.  She downloads information from the machine to see if I’ve been using it correctly and for the required time.  When she came out this last time I didn’t get the grade I was hoping for.  Apparently, I haven’t been turning the machine off and on in the proper sequence (maybe a hurricane had something to do with that).  However, for an honor roll student (in high school) and the dean’s list (some during college), the grade was disappointing.  I intend to be her star student this next time.

a few thoughts from the week:

God is patiently working on me physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Something I keep hearing from doctors, nurses, therapists, etc. is “Be patient”. I am so glad God is much more patient with me than I am with myself or situations around me.

I all too oftenI feel I need to help God out when problems arise.  I mentioned in a previous post that sometimes problems arise and I have a choice panic/worry about it, or trust God to handle it.

So, I sat here this past week, pondering my trip to Moffitt Cancer Center for tests and appointments. Despite the fact that I know in my heart God has everything under control, I still found myself anxious over the day, especially considering how I’ve been feeling recently. Then God sends me a little gift such as an encouraging note or a text from a friend (to take my mind off where it had wondered). God could certainly say as I would, “We’ve been here before, Debbie. Haven’t I walked you through tough places in times past?” “Did I ever walk away and leave you to face the circumstance by yourself?” But instead He just reminds me again that He loves me and that though I may have my fears and doubts, He will remain patient with me and faithful. Again, we go back to my favorite song, which I have mentioned before, Great is thy faithfulness.

This all reminded me of a song I learned as a child, and a verse.

Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain.


Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh. (James 5:7-8)

HE'S STILL WORKING ON ME

He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars 
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me

He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars 
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me

 There really ought to be a sign upon my heart 
Don't judge him yet, there's an unfinished part
But I'll be better just according to His plan
 Fashioned by the Master's loving hands

He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars 
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me

In the mirror of His word
 Reflections that I see
 Makes me wonder why He never gave up on me
But He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
 Remember He's the potter, I'm the clay

He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars 
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still workin' on me

He's still working on me
To make me what I need to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars 
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be

'Cause He's still workin' on me

Now a while back in these blog entries (#39), I mentioned a goal I was aiming for - putting on my dog’s collar. Feeling ambitious after the pepper incident (read below, under Praises) and another small success the following day of catching with my left hand something that was falling. I tried again to put on her collar, but I guess we’re just not ready for that, YET. However, I did have something brought to my attention, again. PATIENCE. Sophie is a rescue dog. Her first few years of life were filled with abuse and she learned, unfortunately, that some humans can’t be trusted. So, for her to put up with me trying to fasten her collar for as long as I tried was pretty significant. Quite a display of patience.

Are you seeing a pattern for the week? Patience

I have said before that Sophie and I are therapy for each other.

praises:

I had another “because I can” moment this week.  If you have no idea what I’m talking about, refer to my previous post #45.  There are these little moments in which I find myself making small steps forward, then I look back and say to myself, “Boy, that took a long time.”  One was the other night at the table.  For the first time this year, I was able to use the pepper grinder, previously I hadn’t been able to hold it.  Now, I’ll be honest with you.  More pepper ended up on the table than in my plate.

Thank You, Lord, for being so patient with me, not giving up when I fail to learn the lesson or don’t have the faith I should. Another one of those moments came up today.  Dealing with insurance companies can be quite disturbing sometimes.  Again, came the opportunity to worry, get frustrated or trust Him to fix it.  Once again, He fixed it.

PRAYER REQUESTS:

Medication adjustments.

Wisdom for future decisions.

Strength for family during this whole process while still helping me with my medical care and therapy.

The electronic stimulation device mentioned in my last blog – still waiting on insurance. . . 

#45 BECAUSE I CAN

This week I celebrated another birthday (Yes, with frozen yogurt). I am surrounded by a great group of friends and family who sent birthday greetings in so many different forms. There were greetings on Facebook, emails, text messages (SMS) phone calls and visits.  Some of those messages travelled all the way around the world, others across America.

One of the things that God has helped me to improve is the strength of my left leg.  Most people would look at this and think of it as small and insignificant.  However, I am learning to celebrate even the little things no matter how small they may be. Well, for about the last couple of weeks.  I have been able to step up steps with my left leg leading.  Since my surgery in January I have stepped up a step first with my right leg and then pulled the left up to meet it.  However, about a month ago, I noticed that my left leg was stepping up much higher than it had been. So, I took a chance to see if it would be possible to step up with my left leg first. and what do you know? It worked. So, for the first time in 9 months I was able to step up with my left leg first followed by the right.  Now, this is not to say that I'm running up and down steps.  Despite the fact that my nickname is Flash, there are still limits to what I can currently do. I'm thankful, however, there are no limits to what God can do and has done in my life.  So, now when I walk up to the door which has a small step, I will even take an extra step to get myself in position for my left foot to be the one to go first. and I will say to whoever is around me, and understands my new motto. “Because I can”.  Now that thought extends beyond my left side mobility and into more personal

matters like waiting for another MRI next week and day to day struggles in life.  Which reminded me of a verse and song I would like to share with you.  Whenever, you feel you just can’t go any further.  Remember:

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13

His Strength Is Perfect

I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength

But sometimes I wonder what He can do through me

No great success to show

No glory on my own

Yet in my weakness He is there to let me know

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone

He'll carry us when we can't carry on

Raised in His power, the weak become strong

His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect

We can only know

The power that He holds

When we truly see how deep our weakness goes

His strength in us begins

Where ours comes to an end

He hears our humble cry and proves again

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone

He'll carry us when we can't carry on

Raised in His power, the weak become strong

His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGC9KT918Kk

praises:

• God has again provided more items that help make my daily life and lack of mobility easier.God has continued to help me reduce some more of my medication.  This is still an ongoing process and continues to be a rather rough road.God has helped me make more adjustments to Optune.
• Improvements in my mobility (though small and slow).  It’s a good, though frustrating lesson in patience.
• God’s continued grace, strength and provision.

PRAYER REQUESTS:

• Continued cleanup and restoration efforts around Sebring and Highlands County after the hurricane.
• Upcoming presidential elections in Kenya.
• Adjustments to Optune and medication changes.
• Wisdom for future decisions.
• Strength for family during this process while still helping me with my medical care and therapy.
• The electronic stimulation device mentioned in my last blog – still waiting on insurance.
• Next MRI & doctor visit – Oct 26 and the waiting that leads up to that day.

#44 YOUR NEXT CRISIS IS YOUR NEXT OPPORTUNITY TO TRUST OUR UNFAILING GOD

Yesterday, I was blessed by a chat with a friend from my college days. We travelled together on “Commissioned” (a travelling singing group). People are continually asking me what I need. The answer is always the same, ”Just keep praying.” Sure, there are always things that need to be done, errands to run, things around the house. However, one of the greatest things I need is people just being themselves, talking about things we’ve done together, good memories, funny stories. So that’s what we did. You know who you are. You made me remember a great time in my life and made me smile. To explain the humor of the conversation/memory would take forever and not make sense to anyone else. I have another friend in Kenya who has challenged me to a 2 1/2-mile walk for frozen yogurt. These are not the only ones. I just mention them because they are recent. While the walking challenge currently seems a bit out of reach right now, the challenge is a great reminder that our God is capable of anything and that life, His special gift to us each and every day is worth fighting for. So I have accepted the challenge and keep working toward that goal, thankful for each new step, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Recently, I was able to go up a step with my left leg leading, something I haven’t done since December. I also am starting to regain some sensation in my left hand. In August (please excuse me if this makes you sick to your stomach to read) I was getting out of the car, shut the door and started to walk away when I realized my hand wasn’t coming with me. I looked down and noticed that I had shut my thumb in the door. Well, today I am starting to get my thumbnail back and have been able to feel a lot more with that hand and do things I haven’t done since January.

“Commissioned”, pictured above and below, changed members during the two years I traveled with them.  So, this is not everyone with whom I shared this experience.  We also had the opportunity of taking a mission trip to Kenya and visited an orphanage while we were there.

Here is one of my favorite songs from our reperatoire.

Recorded by "Commissioned".

This week God used an issue that arose to teach me a lesson:

Your next crisis is your next opportunity to trust our unfailing God.  I won’t go into all the details as that would take a long time to explain.  However, I’ll just say that there was a potential for a large amount of money for which I could have been responsible.  Needless to say, the temptation to panic arose.  Then I was reminded that God has continually supplied my needs and more up to this point. Why would He suddenly stop now?  So, I had a choice: panic or trust. Of course, my humanity said panic, but God’s faithfulness said trust.  I am happy to report that He once again took care of it and all is well, or at least is on its way there.

praises:

God continues to amaze me with His grace and provision.

He has again provided more items that help make my daily life and lack of mobility easier.

He has continued to help me reduce some more of my medication.  That is still an ongoing process.

He has helped me make more adjustments to Optune.

He has helped with improvements in my mobility.

PRAYER REQUESTS:

Continued cleanup and restoration efforts around Sebring and Highlands County after the hurricane.

Adjustments to Optune.

Wisdom for the future and strength (as I am extra tired right now due to a number of possible reasons: the recent hurricane, Optune, adjustments in medication, delayed effects of radiation from July).

Strength for family during this process while still helping me with my medical care and therapy.

Today I met a representative from a company who offers a device which could significantly improve my ability to walk.  The device works well on me and the next step is to submit it to my insurance company for approval.  Now their approval is not really expected.  However, God has worked through issues like this before and is certainly able do so again.

Next MRI & doctor visit – Oct 26

#43 MEDICAL UPDATE FROM SEPTEMBER

This is my new headgear.  A device known as Optune.  When I asked the doctor what people would say when they saw it, he suggested I tell them that I had signed up for the Mars Mission.  I like to think of it this way.  When the lady came out to bring the device and show us how it works, she said that she would be back every couple of weeks to download the information from the system. I like to think it's because I'm so smart, and though I never did stay at a Holiday Inn Express, they still want to find out how I got to be so intelligent.😁

Sorry to my non-American friends.  My reference to the Holiday Inn Express might not make much sense.So,find an American near you and they can probably explain, or just look it up on the internet.  The reference is just my humor, nothing serious.)

All kidding aside now, the serious part is this.  While this treatment is not a cure for glioblastoma (as there is currently no cure for GBM), Optune has been proven to help in the current available treatments of this particular disease.

Here is a brief simple description of how it works.  These little disks that you can see in the picture are taped to my head, replaced every three to four days, and are attached to the device that is in the bag. This device produces a particular type of low intensity electronic field.  These waves bounce off of the other disks as they pass through my brain from one disk to another.  This particular type of electricity slows the dividing process of the cancer cells.   This device has to be turned on for 18 hours a day.Yes, it does get warm, especially here in Florida.

praises:

God continues to amaze me with His grace and provision.  He has again provided items that help make my life and lack of mobility easier.

He has helped me reduce some of my medication.  This is still an ongoing process.

He has helped me begin to adjust to Optune (what I have nicknamed my “Ball and Chain”).

PRAYER REQUESTS:

Continued cleanup and restoration efforts around Sebring and Highlands County after the hurricane.

Adjustments to Optune.

Strength and wisdom

Strength for family during this process while still helping me with my medical care and therapy.

Next MRI – Oct 26

#42 - LESSONS LEARNED THROUGH HURRICANE IRMA

I apologize for the delay in posting.  However, for my local Sebring friends, you know what we’ve been up to around here.   For those of you in other areas.  The weekend of Sept 10^th, brought Hurricane Irma to Florida.  We went a week without electricity and the internet just came back on.  I hope to now get back into my regular routine of writing and posting.

First, let me say a few words about this storm.  Our Governor said this county, Highlands, was the second worst hit by the storm, second in the state only to the Keys.

We decided to wait out the storm here in my parents’ house.  That night, the winds were so strong (around 80MPH/130KPH) according to some sources, of course, gusting higher than that.  It sounded to me like a freight train going by against the house.  My mom described it as a 747 sitting on the roof about to take off.  However, you describe it, it was loud.

Now the next couple of paragraphs are going to sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself and want your pity.  The truth is, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself, but God wanted to teach me something, so, don’t feel sorry for me.  I just want to be open and share this experience with you and what I learned, at least some of it. 

Lesson one - I don’t like hurricanes!

Lesson two – Do what you can.  During the prep time before and the cleanup after, I really felt quite useless.  Here is my 77-year-old dad and close to that mom, but I won’t say exactly how old, not appropriate to announce publicly, outside putting stuff away, tying things down, moving stuff to safer places, etc., both here and at my place.  Then after the storm the cleanup and temporary repairs, waiting in line 4 hours for fuel for the generator.  People in my county and at my church were helping each other out.  I could do nothing.  I mentioned the way I was feeling to my brother Doug.  Through his words, the words of others and some Scripture I read, I was reminded that though I would have preferred to be out there picking up debris and making repairs at the different places, and supporting my community and church family.  The one greater thing I could do is get on my knees.  Now I say that figuratively.  The last time I got on my knees I had to call my 70+ year-old-parents to come help me up.  I was stuck on the floor, on one knee.  What 40-year-old wants to do that?  I’m so glad that “on your knees” is a position of the heart, not a physical position of the body.  So, what do you pray for?  Anything/anyone you can think of.  I love the fact my church has a church directory that I can access on my phone.  That’s another great place to take your prayers.  This will not only put prayer out there for those who need it, but it also works to get your mind and heart on others, where it belongs.

Lesson Three - God is still good, no matter what.

Now I want to be careful with what I say here.  There are some in this county who lost everything.  As we drove around the day after the storm.  One house would be relatively untouched, the next entirely destroyed.  So, I’ll just put it this way. Yes, there was damage here at my parents’ and to my house and we are both dealing with insurance companies and organizing repairmen, but it could certainly have been worse.  We are alive, still have a roof overhead, food to eat, etc.

I like what one pastor here said.  Whether you lost everything or just had minor damage, God is still good.

I want to add one more thing here, while we were sitting at my house one afternoon, still waiting for the electricity to return, I looked over at my piano and was reminded of a time my niece, Mary, stayed with me in Kenya for a few weeks before her parents returned from their furlough in the states.  Anyway, we were used to power outages there.  When the power would go off, I would go over and play the piano.  It seemed about 9/10 times, as soon as I started, the power would come back on.  We laughed and when the power would go off she would remind me or I would go over and start playing.  Sometimes it came back on, sometimes it wouldn’t.  But at least our frustration would disappear for a while.

LATEST MEDICAL NEWS:

• Started Optune by Novocure the Friday before Hurricane Irma hit Florida.  That will be a blog entry on its own coming soon.  In the meantime, just pray it does its job and that I can adjust to the device.
• Next MRI – Oct 26

 PRAYER REQUESTS:

• Continued cleanup and restoration efforts around Sebring and Highlands County.
• Strength for family during this process while still helping me with my medical care and therapy.

Here is a song that seems appropriate not only for journeys in life like mine, but also events of the last couple of weeks.

"Eye of The Storm"

By Ryan Stevenson

In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
And in the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm

When the solid ground is falling out from underneath my feet
Between the black skies, and my red eyes, I can barely see
When I realize I've been sold out by my friends and my family
I can feel the rain reminding me

In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm

When my hopes and dreams are far from me, and I'm runnin' out of faith
I see the future I picture slowly fade away
And when the tears of pain and heartache are pouring down my face
I find my peace in Jesus' name

In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm

When the test comes in and the doctor says I've only got a few months left
It's like a bitter pill I'm swallowing; I can barely take a breath
And when addiction steals my baby girl, and there's nothing I can do
My only hope is to trust You
I trust You, Lord

In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm

In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm

I know You're watching me,

When the storm is raging
And my hope is gone
Even when my flesh is failing
You're still holding on,

The Lord is my Shepherd
I have all that I need
He lets me rest in green meadows
He leads me beside peaceful streams
He renews my strength
He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His Name
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid
For You are close beside me

#41 THE CRASH OF 2017

I take myself seriously.  It’s my personality to have things in order, be independent and concerned about what people think of me.  I am that person who if I trip in public and happen to fall, will jump up very quickly and look around to make sure nobody saw me.  However, at this point, there is no jumping up from a trip or a fall, and there is certainly nothing quick about moving around.

That being said, I had an unpleasant experience last week. I was using one of those motorized scooters and it tipped over to my left side, the side that doesn’t work properly and I was unable to brace myself and stop the fall.  So, in a matter of seconds, I was on the ground, scooter turned over on its side, and my pride shattered beside me.  Now I know what everyone is thinking, “How badly were you hurt?” The fact of the matter is neither I nor the scooter have any marks to show for it. I believe that God was watching out for me in so many different ways.  If I would have fallen to the right side, I might have tried to brace myself for the fall and broke something.  However, as I said, the only thing shattered, or injured in any way, was my pride.

My brother, David, was right there in a matter of seconds to assess the situation and make sure that I was okay.  Several others came over to help out as well. In a matter of minutes, the scooter was back up on its wheels and David had me back on my feet.

Later on, I was reminded that I need to have a sense of humor about myself.  These things will happen, and it helps, especially when there is no damage, to find the humor in things.  Life is what you make of it.  You can enjoy it or you can look for all of the negative things.

By the way the title of this blog is courtesy of David.  Thanks, David, for reminding me to not be so serious with myself.

I believe that God also has a sense of humor, and HE wants us to find the good and humorous moments in life and be happy.

There is a story from Kenya about God's sense of humor. It is about an animal called the wildebeest. The story goes that when God created all the animals HE had some leftover parts. HE took those parts and put them all together and the result was the wildebeest.

LATEST MEDICAL NEWS:

Chemo started back this week (2 at the same time; one every day, the other Monday through Wednesday) and will continue for 6 weeks followed by an MRI.

My encouragement for today - Enjoy life, every moment – it’s a gift.